goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
