and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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