I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
