lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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