Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
