She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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