i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
