Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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