you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
