he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish you could order shots online.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
