Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
