apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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