Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
