there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
