They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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