WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
