she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
