i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
