I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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