I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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