Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
tonight lets celebrate not being married
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
