I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
