Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
