OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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