I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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