she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
