I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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