New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
