i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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