But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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