this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
