I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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