I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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