i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
