oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
