she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His nipple licking is glorious
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