hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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