Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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