I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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