i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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