How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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