I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
