i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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