I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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