btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
