its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
