i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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