So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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