the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
