We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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