please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
