Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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