I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Randomize
