he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
