Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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