you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
