hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
