Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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