I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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