I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
