Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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