I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
