I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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