The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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