What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
