It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
