Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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