come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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