Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
