What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
