I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
barbara walters just said penis...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
