According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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