hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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