So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
