Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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