dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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