Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
