Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
