what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
