He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Farmville is her only friend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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