if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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