Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
