New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
